Sex Goals

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According to research, there is a strong connection between setting goals and reaching success. Setting goals has also been linked to higher self-esteem and self-confidence. 


So, given the positive aspects of setting goals, what do you think would happen if you decided to set your own sex goals? 


Sex Goals—What would Yours be?

Human sexuality is multi-faceted and personal. When thinking about what your possible sex goals might be, there is a long list of possibilities that may come to mind. 


Would any of the following goals interest you?


  • Increase your sex education?
  • Find ways to better your own sexual health?
  • Improve your sexual energy?
  • Learn more ways to reach orgasm?
  • Experience the difference between vaginal vs clitoral orgasm?
  • Better the intimate relationship you share with your partner? 
  • Familiarize yourself with more foreplay options?
  • Explore gender identity?
  • Experiment with sex toys?
  • Experiment with different types of bondage?
  • Visit a therapist to discuss your sexual relationship?


After reviewing this list of possible sex goals, your mind may be wondering where you can start. First, I suggest taking your time to see if any of those sex goals resonate with you personally. Having goals be personal is an important factor since studies show that the more personal a goal is, the better chance you have at attaining it. 


The Magic to reach Your Goals

Research from the Dominica University in California found there is a sort of magic to achieving personal goals. These findings may also be used for obtaining sex-related goals. There were three main strategies that were identified. 


1. Commitment

2. Accountability

3. Updates


Commitment: Rather than just hope to reach your sex goals, this research advocated setting concrete commitments. This means determining your goal and then committing to move forward toward it. 


Accountability: Having your partner or a friend hold you accountable to your goals may help you reach them. Their research found that a person is more likely to reach goals when they don’t want to let someone else down. 


Updates: Updates mean progress. Reporting little victories on your path to your end goal may help keep you on track. 


I have a few additional suggestions that may be helpful. I suggest using a journal to track your own progress. Sex goals may be personal and you may not want to share them with a lover, spouse, or friend. But writing a goal down has a way of making it feel more real. Journaling progress may also help keep your motivation up since you see how close you are to reaching your goal(s). 


I also suggest creating your own action plan to reach your goals. If your goal is to become more orgasmic, then research two to three things you can try. Then systematically try each one to see how they work for you personally. 


Lastly, I would recommend setting your own timetable to reach your sex goal. If improving foreplay techniques is your goal, promise yourself to learn three new options over the course of one month. Having a finite end date may help keep you motivated. 


Why do most New Year’s resolutions fail? 

Every January people all over the globe make lists of resolutions. Maybe some of those resolutions aren’t that different from your own sex goals. Research shows that 50 percent of Americans make New Year’s resolutions but fewer than 10 percent keep them for longer than a few months. Why don’t those resolutions stick?


Research seems to point to people knowing what goals they want but not knowing why they want them.  


Why are Your Sex Goals Important to You? 

So, you want better intimacy with your partner, desire more pleasure through the use of sex toys, or think speaking with a therapist could benefit your sex life. While these are all great goals, until you identify why they are important to you personally, you may not be able to commit to reaching them. 


This is where you need to spend time thinking about what reaching your sex goals will bring to you. 


Let’s take a look at those possible sex goals again and see what their why’s may be – 


  • Increase your sex education?
Your Why: Perhaps learning more about anatomy may make you feel more comfortable with your body.
    • Find ways to better your own sexual health?
    Your Why: Bettering your sexual health via pelvic floor exercises may help improve urinary incontinence. 
      • Improve your sexual energy?
      Your Why: Improving your sexual energy may help boost your libido and sexual interest.
        • Learn more ways to reach orgasm?
        Your Why: Learning more ways to reach orgasm may help you feel more confident during sexual activity and increase sexual satisfaction. 
          • Better the sexual intimacy you share with your partner? 
          Your Why: Finding ways to better sexual intimacy with your partner may help you achieve your relationship goals by sharing more of your desires.
            • Familiarize yourself with more foreplay options?
            Your Why: Learning more foreplay techniques may allow for a better sexual experience for yourself and your partner. 
              • Explore gender identity?
              Your Why: Exploring gender identities may make you feel more comfortable with your own sexuality and preferences. 
                • Experiment with sex toys?
                Your Why: Experimenting with sex toys may help you learn new erogenous areas on your body. 
                  • Visit a therapist to discuss your sexual relationship?
                  Your Why: Having a therapy session to discuss your sexual relationship and romantic relationship may be able to give you insight into your feelings. 


                    Determine what outcome you would like to reach with your own sexual goals to help give them the personal importance that they may need for you to succeed. 


                    Be Realistic 

                    It can be tempting to set lofty sex goals. But, in order to bring yourself closer to obtaining them, I encourage you to be realistic. And positive. 


                    According to the Science & Psychology of Goal Setting, positive goals are superior to negative ones because they are more motivating. 


                    I suggest starting with one small sex goal and striving to obtain it. Reaching a minor goal and seeing the benefits that take place may motivate you to make additional goals. 


                    Just remember, no goals can be accomplished until you start. So why not start identifying your first sex goal today? 

                    Have you ever set your own sex goal? What goals do you have in mind for yourself and your relationship? Please send me your questions and comments. I’m always here to help you.

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                    Dr. Sunny Rodgers is a clinician, author, and speaker who has worked in the wellness industry since 2000. She holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, a Master of Arts in Clinical Sexology, and is an accredited Sexual Health Educator. She is the Founder of The Institute of Intimate Health, an Ambassador for the American Sexual Health Association, regular lecturer for the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Sexual Confidence Coach for the Marigold App, and a professional Sex Toy Concierge™. Rodgers hosted a popular weekly show on Playboy Radio, has been an expert guest on several TV and radio programs, and is a regular contributor to HuffPost, Men's Health, Cosmo, Bustle, and many more publications.