For almost every person, solo or partnered, at some point thoughts of bondage have undoubtedly danced through your mind. Sure, the infamous ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ caused a flurry of BDSM commotion. What element did you connect with? Was it the aspects of control, the gorgeous masks and whips, or the fact that it all seemed so intensely sexy?
Let’s Get Acquainted with Bondage
Bondage isn’t new. In fact, it’s centuries old.
Japanese bondage dates back to the 1660s. While rope tying was used for several tasks in ancient Japanese culture, it became even more popular for decorative erotic functions and was even taught as part of sex education for newlyweds.
In the early 1900s, Kabuki theater, which also originated in Japan, began incorporating tying ropes into their performances and this brought the art of bondage to the worldwide stage.
Bondage is the B in BDSM
In the BDSM world, which has a foundation built on power exchange, bondage plays a key role.
BDSM is short for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).
Bondage specifically is the practice of consensually tying, binding or restraining a partner for erotic stimulation and pleasure, using rope, handcuffs, sashes, bondage tape, and other items made for this purpose.
Did you notice the word ‘consensually’ in there?
A large part of exploring bondage, and other aspects of BDSM, is communication. This is deep communication involving consent, limits, expectations, and other details that can truly open dialogues at a level that some partners have never before explored.
According to a 2019 study published by the International Society for Sexual Medicine, people who practice bondage score better on a range of personality and psychological measures than people who don't engage in in bondage and other BDSM activities.
Overall, the study hypothesized that people who practice bondage might be psychologically healthier than their non-bondage counterparts. Study participants who used bondage tended to be more aware of their sexual needs and desires, which was thought to translate to less frustration in bed and in their relationships.
Does Bondage Create Better Communication?
By nature, the majority of people don’t talk about intimate topics and sex with their significant others.
Sex is thought of as a private act and it’s a difficult topic to discuss with a partner. For a variety of reasons, people can feel uncomfortable talking about something as natural as intimate pleasure. This can be due to lack of sexual education, feelings of embarrassment and possibly shame, and a general societal view to not openly discuss sex.
Communication is core with bondage.
Before a single rope is tied or handcuff secured, bondage partners discuss their consent and expectations. They discuss limits honestly and share their feelings and desires. They determine the outcome both partners are wanting before they begin their bondage explorations.
And these discussions are not a one-time event. Couples learn from experience that the more they discuss their desires and fantasies, the more in tune they become with each other’s sexual goals.
Communication is Important for a Good Sex Life
Communication is important for a good sex life because most people are seeking a fulfilling sexual relationship—and being able to openly talk with one another about intimate topics can help make that happen.
Good communication can show each partner that they are safe with each other, which can help strengthen the trust needed to completely let emotional and sexual guards down in bed. The better the communication of likes, dislikes and fantasies is, the more exploration can be shared in a comfortable atmosphere. The better communication is between sexual partners, the better sexual experiences become.
Communication can be built one step at a time and can lead to strong emotional intimacy between partners.
Try Trust!
True emotional intimacy also needs trust to survive. A person needs to feel as though their partner will share all their secrets and will keep them safe. Often someone who has been hurt in a previous relationship will have an incredibly hard time with intimate communication. This can be repaired, but it takes time.
Both partners have to work together to build their communication and show each other that they are safe with each other. Because of the consent, expectations, and trust between partners trying bondage, intimate communication can be fully explored.
My recommendation? Be gentle with each other and yourself. Share how you’re feeling. Don’t expect this new level of intimate communication to grow overnight. Just like every other aspect of a good relationship, communication needs to be nourished to thrive. But the rewards of having good communication, especially with regards to sexual topics, are priceless.
Are you inspired to try bondage? Are there communication methods that have worked for you? Please share your stories with me! And if you have any questions, I’m always here to help.
