Love can be a tricky business! So, one of the most important questions that you can ask is how your partner needs and wants to be shown love - you also want to know how you want to be loved in return. With this, you are able to build a strong relationship and speak your partner’s “love language,” so your efforts aren’t lost in translation. For some of us, being told that we are loved and cared about isn’t enough. For others, it is everything. We’re all different and unique and so is the way we give and receive love.
How people give and receive love has been divided into five different categories that some call “love languages.” While you cannot solely rely on these areas to help you determine how you and your partner should give and receive love, it’s a great starting point. It is also something that can carry over into the bedroom, which can help with sexual compatibility. Now, we’re talking, right?
So, what is your love language? What really makes you feel special? Let’s explore the five love languages and see what makes you tick!
Words of Affirmation
Do lovey dovey words make your heart go pitter-patter? Words of affirmation is the first love language where words are used to build up your partner. Outside of the bedroom, it could be verbal compliments about the work that they do, how they look, or their personalities. It could be complementing the meal they made or the big deal they just closed at work. It doesn’t have to be complicated or overly sappy. Your partner just wants to hear that they’re doing a good job. At the same time, they also want to know that you love them and care about them. If they did something for you, it can be as simple as saying, “I really appreciate that you took my car to get detailed today.” Easy peasy!
Inside the bedroom, it can be a little harder because you don’t want to cross a line. However, if your partner does something for you, compliment him or her on their skills. Or you can tell them that you love what they are wearing, how they smell, or how they are moving. These little words of affirmation will encourage them to keep going and doing the things that you really like, and if it’s their love language too, it will build them up and make them feel loved.
Acts of Service
Another way to show love is through acts of service. You may know the phrase “actions speak louder than words,” and that is certainly the case with people who receive love in this manner. This way to show your love focuses on the things that you do. Outside of the bedroom, it could mean cooking dinner, filling up your gas tank, or running out to pick up something at the grocery store when you forget it. You do these things without expecting anything in return. They are done for your partner's happiness and to make them feel special.
Inside the bedroom, it could mean doing things that don’t necessarily give you as much pleasure in return. For women, this could mean giving your partner a BJ when it isn’t something you normally do. (If you need help, throat relaxing spray is a great way to enjoy it more!) For men, it may mean giving your partner a massage after she’s had a long day. Acts of service are all the little things that just make your heart skip a beat!
Receiving Gifts
Who doesn’t love gifts? Another type of way to show your love is to give gifts. Some people need these little reminders that their partner loves them. They aren’t necessarily materialistic, it’s simply the gesture that makes them feel special. It can be diamonds or expensive jewelry, or it could simply be something like a few wildflowers or grabbing a pizza on the way home. These gifts show your loved one that you really care about them. These gifts are often things that don’t help your partner (those would be acts of service), but things that simply let them know you were thinking about them.
Inside the bedroom, this is a bit harder. You have to think of yourself as the gift, in some cases. This could mean that you wear some sexy lingerie that your partner will love or you are willing to do that thing they’ve always wanted to try. The best part about gifts is that most people love to give and receive them!
Quality Time
There’s nothing like spending time with the one you love! Another way to show your love is through quality time. This is time with your partner where you aren’t distracted on your phone, you aren’t focusing on the television, and you aren’t sharing your attention with anything else. It could be having a romantic dinner, sitting together and just talking, or taking a walk together. Your partner wants your attention and your attention only. Your time says, “you’re important to me!”
This doesn’t mean that it doesn’t eventually end up with the two of you cuddled up and watching Friends reruns or playing games on your phones. However, there is an element of that too. To show your love in this way, you need to take the time to plan something or plan nothing. It needs to be all about the two of you!
To plan ahead, maybe you want to invest in some massage lotion to take turns really focusing on each other’s bodies. For a little more fun together (or if you run out of ideas in the bedroom), you can even play some games - just make sure they are physical, and they aren’t on your phones.
Physical Touch
Reach out and touch someone – preferably your partner! Physical touch is the final love language and another way to give and receive love. You’ve probably seen those couples that need to always be connected in some way. They are the people who hold hands, brush against each other, or do something a little more over the top. This isn’t because they are insecure in their relationship, it could be because they need touch to show love. It can be both public and private.
Of course, this makes sex extremely important for those people as well. They want to be touched and need it in order to enjoy themselves. Often, foreplay should involve light touches and caresses, but sometimes these people enjoy touches that are a bit rougher as well. Physical touch is a key love language to so many people, both male and female!
Sharing Your Love Language
In the end, everyone shows and receives love in different ways, and no way is right or wrong! No matter how you decide to give love, you need to ensure that it is in a way that your partner likes to receive it, so they feel love, appreciated, and cherished. Learning your and your partner’s love languages can help to improve your relationship inside and outside of the bedroom. And the best part is that you can have a combination of love languages. Maybe you like to be loved through both gifts and physical touch or maybe words of affirmation and acts of service are important to you! Any combo is possible!
So, take some time with your partner to explore how you both like to give and receive love. Maybe the way you give love already matches up with how your partner likes to receive it. If not, a little communication and effort to “speak their love language” will make a world of difference, both in public and between the sheets!
