For folks who were born with penises, it’s pretty common to have said penis serve as the center of their sexual universe, a source of pleasure, the focus of sex, and, of course, where all the orgasms come from. This is understandable -- society puts a whole lot of focus on penises-- but for folks looking to get all the pleasure they can from their bodies, it comes up a bit short. Why? Because while the penis certainly can be stimulated to orgasm, it’s not the only part of the AMAB (assigned male at birth) body that can. Intrigued? Good. Now let’s talk about the prostate.
Something of an unsung sexual hero, the prostate gland can be the source of huge amounts of pleasure, including earth-shaking orgasms and even multiple orgasms. So today, we’re doing a deep dive on the prostate. We’ll talk about what it is, how to find yours, how to stimulate it, and what a prostate orgasm might feel like. We’ll even take a minute to address any of those nagging fears about pain. So, get ready. It’s prostate time!
What is the prostate?
First things first, what exactly is the prostate? It is a gland located inside the body, in front of the rectum, in between the penis and the bladder. Its job is to produce something called prostatic fluid, which combines with sperm to form what we know as semen or ejaculate. Additionally, the prostate features muscles that contract to propel ejaculate through the urethra. Basically, the prostate helps to both make semen and lets it exit the body.
Do we all have prostates?
Nope. So how do you know if you have one? Generally speaking, the prostate gland is part of the whole penis/testicles option package. AMAB folks have prostates, while those not born with penises do not.
What does this have to do with orgasms?
Great question! So we’ve already covered a bit of what the prostate does, and while it does have a primary function (helping sperm find its way out of the urethra), it also has a very fun secondary function: to deliver super-intense orgasms. So, let’s talk a bit about that!
The prostate is absolutely packed with nerve endings, making it a powerful erogenous zone that can be stimulated for sexual pleasure. It has even been called the male equivalent of the G-spot. In fact, as word has spread about the orgasmic potential of the prostate, it has, by some, been redubbed the “P-spot.” I, however, will not be using that term because we are all adults who can say the word prostate without requiring a cutesy nickname, right? Right.
How to find the prostate?
The first step in exploring prostate pleasure is, of course, locating the prostate-- you can’t stimulate something if you don’t know where it is!-- so let’s map this out. We already talked about how the prostate is located adjacent to the rectum and the bladder, but before you go hunting and poking, I have a helpful hint. Much like the penis, the prostate experiences an increase in blood flow when you are aroused. This extra blood flow causes the prostate to swell. Once it is all engorged and swollen and, you know, bigger than usual, it will be much easier to locate. With that in mind, it can be a good idea to engage in some masturbation or foreplay (whatever that is for you) before you set out to find the prostate.
Now, while the prostate can be stimulated indirectly from the outside of the body by stimulating the perineum (the area between the anus and the scrotum, which is known colloquially as the “taint”), and that can be very pleasurable. However, if you are looking to explore prostate orgasm, you are going to want to opt for more direct stimulation, which requires anal penetration. To locate the prostate, insert a lubricated finger (we’ll talk sex toys later, but while you are just trying to get the lay of the land, let’s stick to fingers) approximately two to four inches into the anus. From there, angle your finger toward your navel. This will allow you to feel the prostate through the front wall of the rectum. It will feel firm and it will be roughly the size of a walnut.
What does a prostate orgasm feel like?
You could talk to one hundred different people and get one hundred different descriptions of the sensations that come from a prostate induced orgasm. There are, however, a couple of things people seem to agree about. Chief among them is that prostate orgasms are more intense than penile ones, and because prostate orgasms don’t always end in ejaculation, multiple orgasms are sometimes even possible.
In addition to intensity, many describe them as much more of a full-body experience, complete with muscle contractions and a feeling of euphoria. This can be attributed to the thousands of nerve ends that surround the prostate. Those nerve endings often go untouched for most of our lives, so it makes sense that, in response to stimulation, they would kick off a pretty intense set of sensations.
Will it hurt?
Because prostate stimulation requires anal penetration, which might be new for a lot of folks, it’s natural to be concerned about discomfort or pain. Now, as with anything new, stimulation of the prostate, especially internally, might be a bit uncomfortable at first as you adjust to the experience and the unique sensations that come with it. That said, it absolutely should not be painful. If you are experiencing pain, stop what you are doing, and if you are concerned, consult a doctor.
Note: Many folks who are nervous about anal penetration opt to use numbing products to avoid any pain or discomfort. Please do not do this. Those products don’t keep your body from getting hurt. They just prevent you from feeling the pain. Pain is the body’s way of telling us when something is wrong, and if we prevent it from doing that, we run the risk of hurting ourselves.
How To Stimulate The Prostate
Okay, so we’ve covered what the prostate is, where the prostate is, what prostate orgasms might feel like, and how stimulating the prostate should absolutely not result in pain. I think that means we are ready to talk about how exactly one goes about stimulating a prostate-- whether it’s your own or a partner’s. Here are my 6 Steps for Prostate Stimulation:
1. Go into it with the right mindset
In general, there is a lot of pressure out there to try to have this or that type of orgasm, to chase sexual experiences the internet tells us are the “best,” or to constantly level up our sex lives. With that in mind, please remember that your sex life should be fun and bring you pleasure, not pressure. Don’t try out prostate stimulation because you feel like you should, or you are trying to complete some sexual checklist. If you are going to try out prostate stimulation, do it because it sounds fun to you!
Along those same lines, if you want to stimulate a partner’s prostate or you want them to stimulate yours, do not do it without explicit consent. Ask them if they are interested, talk about how you both would want to approach it, and really listen to what they want. No matter how much you want to explore, you 100% cannot bring a partner in on that exploration if they are not into it. It is always okay not to be into something.
2. Start off on the outside
Rather than jumping right to anal penetration, you can start off by accessing the prostate via the perineum -- the patch of skin between the anus and testicles. This is an especially good idea for folks who are brand new to anal play. Massage the middle of the perineum and be on the lookout for feeling a bulbous structure under the skin. That will be the prostate. If you are struggling to find it, remember it gets engorged when aroused, so take some time to arouse the person whose prostate is being stimulated.
3. Try inserting a finger (slowly!)
First things first, make sure everyone is on board with fingers entering the anus. Once you are clear on that, do a little prep. The skin of the anus is both sensitive and delicate, so you want to be conscientious when you touch it. If you have nails, trim them down. If you love your nail art, put cotton balls over them and then put some gloves-- I recommend nitrile-- on top to hold it all in place. Then please, please, please, use a good thick lubricant. Sidenote: we all know how important proper lube is, whether you’re playing around back, exploring how to use a double ended dildo or even indulging in the best clit sucker.
Even with those precautions, for folks who are new to anal stimulation, it can be uncomfortable. For most folks, the anal sphincter lives in a state of contraction and needs a little encouragement to relax and receive penetration. Take some time to gently stroke or lick the area. Once the anus is relaxed (you may notice it pucker), add more personal lubricant and slowly and gently slide a finger two to four inches into the body, angled toward the stomach. Feel around for a fleshy ball that feels different from everything around it, that’s the prostate!
4. Experiment with pressure.
An interesting thing about prostate stimulation is how very differently the body responds to varying degrees of pressure. A lot of sex stuff is about using fun techniques to drive your partner (or yourself) wild but in the case of prostate play, it’s all about finding the right level of pressure. Why? Because too little pressure can result in nothing really happening, but if you blow past the sweet spot and apply too much pressure, it can create a sensation of having to urinate, which can derail your whole play session. The correct amount of pressure will make you feel like you are at the beginning of a prostate induced orgasm.
Once you find that sensation, you can start playing with different ways to apply that level of pressure to the prostate. You can stroke it in something of a “come hither” motion, press on it like you are (gently) ringing orgasm’s doorbell, or trace around the edges. Play with what feels good for you or your partner.
5. Raid the toybox
When you are starting out with prostate stimulation, fingers are your best tool as they can feel what’s going on (Did they actually touch the prostate? Is the anus contracting? etc.), but once you start to get the hang of things, it can be fun to try out some prostate specific adult sex toys. Fingers are the best starting point for prostate stimulation because, well, they’re attached to a human who can feel the way the anal canal is responding in real-time. After a few experiences of going that route, however, you might incorporate a prostate massager, which is designed specifically to stimulate the hidden pearl.
Prostate massagers are toys that have been designed specifically for prostate stimulation. Some look like g-spot toys but others, like the PinkCherry Jackpot Vibrating Pleasure Probe, have a very distinctive “prostate massager” shape (IYKYK).
Some prostate massagers vibrate, some are designed to move in a motion that mimics a finger, and some don’t even have motors and instead use the natural muscular contractions of the body to deliver powerful prostate stimulation. Check out what’s available, and don’t be afraid to explore!
One thing to keep in mind is that since prostate massagers are inserted anally, they need to be anal-safe. This means they should have a flared base or an extended portion that keeps the prostate toy anchored outside the body. Remember, the anus is the beginning of a long tube that winds through your body, and the anal toy can get pulled in, requiring medical intervention to remove them. When shopping for a sex toy, never forget: “without a base, without a trace.”
6. Have fun!
Look, are orgasms from a prostate massage that awesome? That’s what I hear (I don’t have a prostate myself). Can they open the door for new types of pleasure and even offer a route to pleasure for folks coping with erectile dysfunction? Absolutely. That said, please do not put much pressure on yourself to achieve a new, magic form of orgasm. Enjoy the experience, feel the good feelings that can come from prostate stimulation, and feel free to stop if you are not having fun.If prostate stimulation sounds good to you, check out PinkCherry’s huge selection of adult sex toys. They’ve got everything you need to indulge in all the exploration you want.