When you’re planning anything, checklists can be an invaluable way to make sure you do everything you want to do. If it’s true for stuff like grocery shopping, moving, DIY projects, and even vacations, why wouldn’t it be true for our sex lives? A BDSM checklist can be an amazing way to explore, communicate, and experiment. It can help you be clear on what you want and how you want it and to communicate that effectively. So, let’s talk about BDSM checklists!
What is a BDSM checklist?
A BDSM checklist is a tool that BDSM practitioners of any experience level can use to lay out preferences, boundaries, kinks, fetishes, the activities they like (or are curious about) and more. It’s not really a to-do list. It’s more of an organized guide to one's feelings about specific BDSM activities. There are a ton of different ways to execute a BDSM checklist (you can even use a template to get you started) but the goal remains the same: to provide a way to organize each participant’s thoughts, limits, emotional responses, and boundaries when it comes to BDSM-related activities.
Why is it important?
Safe and enjoyable BDSM requires a lot of communication, and BDSM checklists can be great conversation starters. BDSM checklists are an important way to foster honesty, openness, and effective communication about stuff-- like a fetish or kink -- that many people find difficult to talk about.
Additionally, BDSM checklists can help us learn more about ourselves. Creating a checklist for your BDSM contact is an opportunity to ask yourself about your likes, dislikes, boundaries, and desires and take some time to figure out the answers.
What to include
If you’re ready to make a BDSM checklist but aren’t sure what to add, the following sections contain some details that you may want to consider. Other than including adult sex toys or bondage equipment, a wide variety of BDSM activities and desires should also be covered. You can always add more if you find something outside of our list that interests you.
Limits/Boundaries
This is where you communicate your boundaries. Get specific here. If you are okay with your arms being restrained but not your legs, make note of that. Are there any bondage positions or BDSM games you’re uncomfortable with or enjoy doing? Include that as well.
Kinks
These are sexual preferences that might be considered non-normative... Spanking, restraints, dirty talk, etc. This is a fabulous opportunity to let your potential partner(s) know exactly what you enjoy.
Fetishes
These are things that get you extremely turned on, and for some folks, things they can’t get turned on without. They might be body parts, objects, or actions, like in the case of foot fetishists who may also get turned on by shoes or watching someone put on or take off a shoe.
Interests
This includes stuff you want to try that doesn’t fit any of the categories above. Are you curious about vibrators? Chastity play? Sex swings? Whatever it is, put it in.
Consent
This is where, after talking to your partner, take note of what parts of your checklist they are willing to participate in.
Negotiation
If there’s stuff you aren’t sure about but are willing to consider, make a note of that along with any boundaries you would need to make it work for you.
Dominance or Submission (or both!)
Depending on whether you enjoy being dominant, submissive, or a switch, you can make a checklist pertaining to that including how dominant or submissive you want to be.
Yes/No/Maybe List
To ensure you and your partner enjoy a particular activity, identify and assign a safe word to use for your BDSM activity. Be clear about what’s off the table for you. You can do this on a regular basis to cover any changes to what you’re comfortable doing.
- Yes = stuff you like or want to try.
- No = activities you don’t want to do.
- Maybe = stuff you are not ready for yet but are open to discussing.
Scenes
Are there scenes you want to try out? Doctor/patient, teacher/student, etc. Include the ones you want to try and feel free to add more if you become interested or remove ones that you didn’t enjoy.
Compare checklists with your partner
Once you and your partner finish your checklists, it’s time to compare them. Don’t be alarmed by any discrepancies. It’s totally normal for one of you to be interested in something the other isn’t. The important part is that you know no one is obligated to do the things on their partner’s list. Your BDSM checklists can help you get on the same page and see what things you’re up for exploring together.
No matter how similar or different your lists are, they can be a powerful catalyst for the kind of open communication that helps everyone have the fulfilling sex life they want.
Has your BDSM checklist got you ready to explore? Pink Cherry is here to help! With a huge selection of sex toys, bondage clothing, bondage toys, and even convenient bondage kits, we’ve got everything you need to bring your checklist to life!
