You’ve probably heard about prostate massage, yes? If not, you’re about to! Let’s get right into it. Prostate massage is the act of stimulating your or your partner’s prostate gland (otherwise known as P-spot or the male g spot), which is a super-sensitive erogenous zone located along the upper part of the anal canal in men or people who were assigned male at birth. Usually, this process requires a finger, a butt plug, an anal dildo, or a prostate-massager sex toy.
Wait, wait, wait! We can sense some of you backing away at the very mention of putting something in your butt. Don’t worry! Today we’re sharing some info on how to perform an external prostate massage. No anal penetration necessary.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through some external prostate massage basics, from how to find your prostate gland from the outside to how to master an external prostate massage. Before we start though, you should probably know that orgasms reached through prostate stimulation can be incredibly intense and absolutely unforgettable. So, there’s that.
You Can Reach the Prostate Externally?
First off, yes, if you’re a man or AMAB, the prostate gland lives inside your butt. It’s located on the top wall of the anal canal (up toward your belly button) just below your bladder and in front of your rectum. To massage your prostate internally, you’d insert a well-lubed finger or prostate toy, then angle it upward. But like we said, we’re not inserting anything today. So, how do you stimulate the prostate externally?
It’s very possible to stimulate you or your partner’s prostate gland from outside the body. This is known as external prostate massage, and it’s a more indirect, but still very pleasurable way to experience prostate situation, and maybe even a prostate orgasm. To perform a sexily successful external prostate massage, you’ll need to know some things.
Where Do You Massage?
Let’s start with the “where.” We mentioned that the prostate gland is located inside your body, but it can be indirectly accessed from the outside. Great news for anally shy prostate owners! To hit your prostate gland, you’ll need to target your perineum (or taint), which is the fleshy strip of skin running between your balls and anus. Internally, the prostate gland sits above the perineum, so by firmly massaging or pressing on your perineum / taint, you can stimulate your P-spot.
For some people, it can take some time to get used to new sexual sensations, so go slow at first. Get comfy, and get turned on. Cue up your go-to video or adult site, close the door, and grab some lube, while you’re at it. When you’re ready, use a finger or two to gently press on your perineum. You might feel a jolt of pleasure right away, or you might need to experiment with different levels of pressure or motions. Everyone and every body is different.
What Will It Feel Like?
You may not literally “feel” your prostate when you’re playing externally, so don’t worry if you can’t feel anything in particular. In general, you’re aiming for a softer, fleshy area toward the back of your perineum. You should, however, have a pretty good idea when you’ve pinpointed the right spot. It’ll feel good. Very good. If you’re not used to the sensation, it could feel a little like you have to pee, which makes sense, since the prostate is located very near the bladder and urethra. If you’re worried, put a towel down.
What to Do Once You've Found the Right Area
Once you’ve pinpointed your prostate gland, you can start experimenting with stimulation and figuring out what feels good. Play around with different pressures: does it feel better when you press harder or use a lighter touch? Try pressing in different rhythms, or use a tight circular motion. Your body will respond when you hit the jackpot.
Pro tip: external P-spot massage can be easily added to tons of sexy scenarios. For instance, ask a partner to pay some attention to your perineum during oral sex, or try pressing on your taint during masturbation. The combined sensation of standard stroking or sucking plus deep external prostate stimulation can be positively mind blowing.
Sex Toys to Consider
If we were talking about internal prostate massage, we’d have a million prostate massage-specific sex toy suggestions to share. Fun fact: many modern prostate massage toys have a perineum massager or stimulator built right in! But, we digress. When it comes to external prostate massage and sex toys, you have just as many, if not more, options.
The key to external prostate pleasure is pressure. Really, you can use just about any sexy toy you like to achieve that pressure, as long as it’s firm enough. Try pressing a steel butt plug or slim silicone dildo to your perineum, or add in some vibration with a bullet vibe, thrusting vibrator, or even a curvy g-spot vibe. Enjoy the experimentation! After all, the journey is half the fun.
The Big O
And now what you’ve all been waiting for. YES, it’s possible to reach orgasm through external prostate massage, but it’s completely normal if you can’t, or don’t. Because external prostate stimulation does not directly stimulate the penis or prostate, it can take practise to essentially ‘train’ your body to respond orgasmically to external P-spot massage.
Even still, external prostate massage feels great, and can be an amazing addition to foreplay, masturbation and sex.
Obviously, everyone is different, and sexual response varies widely from person to person, so you can’t know exactly how a prostate orgasm feels for you until it happens. That said, we’re definitely received reports of greatly increased orgasm intensity compared to penile orgasm, a deeper, full-body effect, a more long-drawn out climax, and even some out-of-body experiences. Some people ejaculate during a prostate orgasm, and some don’t. Both are normal.
Anything Else I Should Know?
Yep! Not only does prostate massage feel amazing for many, many people, it also comes along with some great health benefits. Orgasms, reached through self prostate massage or manual masturbation, help to ‘clean the pipes’ so to speak. Regular ejaculation may reduce your risk for certain erectile dysfunction issues as well as prostatitis.
If you’re into edging or orgasm denial play, external prostate massage can be a great way to tease yourself, or a partner. It generally feels less intense than stroking or direct (penetrative) prostate massage, so it can be a great tease!
Haven’t been able to have a prostate orgasm but want to? Toning up your pelvic floor can help, and kegel exercises are the way to do just that. Squeeze your inner muscles in sets a few times a day to help tighten and tone. Strong pelvic floor muscles can help bring the prostate closer to your perineum when squeezed, which, in turn, can help you situate your prostate. Win/win.
Finally, don’t worry if you don’t see stars the first time you try prostate stimulation. It can take time to get used to anything new, sexually. You might even find that you don’t enjoy having your prostate stimulated, and that’s okay, too.
Techniques and Positions
If you’re super-flexible, you’ll probably be able to reach your prostate from just about any position, but here are some tried and true methods that don’t require any acrobatics:
On your side with a leg up. This classic (and comfy) position is a go-to for self stimulation and prostate play in the anal region. Laying on your left or right side, bring your front leg up and rest it on the bed (or floor, or couch, etc). You should be able to reach your perineum easily.
On your back. Another classic. This position is nice and stable, and as long as you’re able to bring both knees up, comfortably you should have easy access to your perineum. Commence external prostate massage!
Go facedown. This method is best if you’ll be receiving an external prostate massage from someone else. Lie belly down, with your legs slightly apart. You can put a pillow under your hips to prop up your butt, if needed. Your partner will simply sit between or on one side of your legs, and start stimulating your perineum.
Doggie. Needing no introduction, this position will see you on all fours. If you can reach around comfortably, you can massage your perineum yourself, but, doggie is great if you’ve got a partner lending a hand, too.
Wrapping It Up: External Prostate Massages Feel Great
Real talk: orgasm isn’t always the end game when it comes to sexual exploration. Even if external prostate massage can’t quite get you there, it can be super-exciting to learn what makes you feel good. If, on the other hand, massaging your p-spot or having your prostate massaged from the outside sends you into orgasm overdrive, great! Oh, and if you’re ever ready to try traditional (penetrative) prostate massage, we’ve got you covered!
To learn more about penetrative prostate massage, read our linked resources about how to use a prostate massager and learn more about the best prostate massager for beginners.
