Did she or didn't she? It's often the biggest concern a woman's sexual partner has after sex. We’re talking, of course, about orgasms. The Big O, the fantastic finish, climax, come, whatever you call it. If she didn’t have an orgasm during sex, why? If she did, how, exactly?
Right off the bat, we need to address one very important thing. There’s no right or wrong way to have sex, as long as it’s consensual and enjoyable. Sex means something different to everyone, and sometimes, orgasms aren’t even a factor! In this article, we’re using ‘sex’ to define any erotic, naked, sensual or steamy experience, whether penetration is involved or not.
That said, there's a common misconception floating around that that women/owners of a vagina have explosive, toe-curling orgasms left and right during intercourse or, more broadly, penetrative sex. Well, folks, we’re here to bust that myth all to hell.
While it’s true that some women can and do reach the big O from P in V (or strap-on in V) sex, it’s less common than you’d think. Some studies say that approximately seventy-five percent of women don’t reach orgasm from penetration alone, at least not without some toys, fingers or tongues involved. That’s...a large number.
So, not only is penetrative sex NOT the easiest, sole or even most possible way for a woman reach orgasm, it's not even necessarily the BEST way. Below, we're going to try to de-myth-ify a long-held misconception of what it takes to get a woman off.
What's Wrong With the Old In-and-Out?
Don't get the wrong impression: We're not against the good old-fashioned bango tango. We're just saying it's not the only way to spark joy in the bedroom. Humans are complex beings, and there's more to lighting our sensual fires than simply storming the castle door with a battering ram. First, let's look at some reasons why traditional intercourse might not be the best method to help your partner achieve a female orgasm during sex.
Clitoral Stimulation is VERY Important
Most owners of a clitoris will know this already, but the clitoris is pretty much the Queen of Orgasm Land. Many women not only very much enjoy clitoral stimulation during sex, foreplay and masturbation, but REQUIRE it to reach orgasm. During penetrative sex, the clitoris often doesn’t get the attenton it, and your partner, needs. Unfortunately, many standard positions just don’t cut it.
Intercourse May Be Uncomfortable or Painful
Some medical reasons or physical/mobility challenges can take the enjoyment right out of penetrative sex. If she’s not feeling well, not comfortable, or in pain, having an orgasm during sex is going to be difficult, to say the least.
Not Enough Lubrication
Most women experience vaginal dryness at one point or another. It can be caused by menopause, lack of foreplay (more on that later), stress, and some medical conditions. Luckily, this one’s an easy fix! A good quality lube can work wonders.
A Visit From Cousin ED
Sometimes in a male-female relationship, the reason intercourse isn't the best option has nothing to do with her at all. It could be that her male partner isn't exactly up to it in the erection department. While there are definitely ways to manage sex with erectile dysfunction, it's just another indicator that intercourse might not be the best option.
5 Ways Women Can Orgasm During Sex
So we've explained why the penetration route might not always be the best, but what now? Here are five ways you can reach, or help your partner reach orgasm during sex with no intercourse involved.
1. Fingers — Not Just for Foreplay
Get a handle on things, literally. During intercourse, there's basically one motion. Sure, you can vary the depth and the speed, but there are limits, and for the reasons listed above, those limits may be too much to overcome. When you use your fingers to stimulate your partner, there are far fewer limitations. Fingers can be soft yet firm and far more precise than a penis or thrusting vibrator. Plus, all the nerve endings in our fingertips make them ideal (and handy) tools for sexy, tactile manual maneuvers.
Use those magic fingers to experiment with different massage patterns and motions on and around your partner’s clitoris. Pay attention to their reaction. Once you’ve got a good rhythm down, keep it up! Don’t go wandering all over the place (unless she likes that), her clitoris is not a piano.
To add in a little penetration, gently insert a finger or two. Many women have a very sensitive area on the top wall of the vagina. It’s usually known as the G-spot, which some studies suggest may actually be an internal extension of the clitoris. See, we told you the clitoris was important! Curl your fingers toward their belly-button in a ‘come here’ motion. Vary the massage speed and pressure based on her reaction (or instruction), and don't be surprised if this becomes her favorite move!
2. Going Down? Yes, Please, But Have a Plan
Many women report having their best orgasms when their partner performs oral sex on them. It stands to reason, as our tongues are soft and wet and can provide near-perfect clitoral stimulation, which leads plenty of women to experience an intense orgasm during sex.
The advice here is that when you go down on your partner, have a plan. Don't just dive in and wing it. Take your time and discover what she likes, and maybe more importantly, what she doesn't like. Cunnilingus, although super sensual and ultra stimulating, can wind up just as blah as anything else if you're not working hard to make it fun and exciting.
3. These ARE the Droids You're Looking For
When we think of sex, we typically think of pressing flesh against someone who lights our fire. Kissing, touching, feeling, massaging, anything that involves skin on skin. But sometimes technology is our best friend. For some women, the partner who gets them off most often isn’t even a person. And that's totally cool! If your lover has a favorite vibrator, dildo or other toy, don't feel intimidated. Join in the fun and enjoy that toy with her. Let her show you how it works and how she works it to bring on orgasm during sex with herself. Honestly, a vibrator can inspire sensations that most of us humans can't reproduce with the equipment we were born with. So, accept that technology with open arms (and legs).
Tip: Combine the first three techniques together and use your fingers, tongue and toys in concert to really drive her crazy. Be careful though, because too much stimulation can be a bad thing. As with every other technique, be aware of what she likes and focus on that.
4. In the Zone
So far, we've talked a lot about how women can have an orgasm without penetration, but we've remained focused below the belt. But what if we told you that some women can and do have orgasms with no vaginal action involved? Focusing on other erogenous zones not only increases arousal and helps inspire orgasm through other means, but can also lead to some seriously intense orgasmic reactions all on their own, too.
Nibbling her ear and lightly kissing her neck may just drive her wild. And don't forget the nipples! Get her going with soft kisses or gently caress her nipples using a circular motion with your fingertip. Some women enjoy more aggressive squeezing, pinching or even biting forms of nipple stimulation, but please make sure she's into this before you go all 50 Shades on her.
Two sensitive areas that often, sadly, get ignored are the crook of her elbow and the back of her knee. Lightly glide your fingers over these spots and you might just give your partner an orgasm without ever getting near her vagina.
5. Give Her Some Alone Time
One way that we know for sure that women can have an orgasm without intercourse is that they can get themselves off without anyone else around. Whether they're using their own fingers, a vibrator or other sex toy to make it rain, women who know better know they don't always need a partner, or even sex, to have an orgasm.
Communicate to Unlock Undiscovered Excitement
So, women do not need (and may not even want) intercourse or pentration to have a really, REALLY good time, and many simply don’t have an orgasm during sex alone. Myth officially busted!
We want to leave you with one last tip, and this is the most important piece of advice we can offer: Always communicate with your partner. Find out what they like and don't like, what they're willing to try and what they just don't choose to do. There are no wrong answers, but you can save yourself and your partner a lot of headaches and open doors to sensual experiences you'd otherwise not thought possible simply by communicating. So, whether your partner likes sexy lingerie, toys or wants to experiment with bondage, take the time to discuss it. Then come to PinkCherry for everything you need to keep your sex life fun, exciting and fulfulling.
Discover New Toys and Tricks to Satisfy Your Lover at PinkCherry
At PinkCherry, we have a huge selection of sex toys for women. So now that you know that intercourse isn't a necessary part of having a mind-blowing orgasm during sex, shop for a new clitoral or G-spot vibrator to keep her coming and coming back for more.
