Maybe your partner has brought up the subject of cuffs or a bondage whip. Or maybe you stumbled across some kinky porn starring BDSM activity. However it happened, you’ve found yourself thinking: why do people like BDSM? What’s it all about? Wonder no more! With PinkCherry by your side, you can explore the top five reasons why people are into BDSM play, BDSM gear, and the overall BDSM lifestyle. Along the way, you can decide if it’s something you think you’d enjoy exploring, with or without a partner involved.
So, why do some people like BDSM? Let’s find out!
1. The Thrill of it All
BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage/Discipline Dominant/Submissive Sadism/Masochism. You can check out our article for more information about those specific terms, but essentially BDSM encompasses a wide range of activities, whether it’s erotic play with a sex toy, or enjoying a dominant role during rough sex. How you choose to practice BDSM will ultimately depend on your and your partner’s personal preference. Bondage play can include everything from the occasional blindfolded roleplay to full-body restraints.
Really, any time you try out a new toy with your partner or let them hold your wrists down while they enter you, it is technically BDSM. BDSM doesn’t have to be extreme; it can be as tame as muffling your sounds of pleasure while you give your nipples a pinch when you have some alone time. BDSM practice can look different for everyone in sexual practice. From brat BDSM to primal BDSM, there’s something thrilling about adding new twists to sex, right?
Society’s Role
Because we live in a society that utilizes sex for marketing and advertisements, encouraging people to have sex and shaming those who don’t, while simultaneously making sex a hush-hush subject that is taboo to discuss, people have complicated feelings about the act of intimacy.
As such, people tend to get off on the idea of incorporating outside objects, power dynamics, or other taboo subjects into their sex lives. This can come out through role-playing, experimenting, dirty talk, spanking, and flirting with other things entirely.
The idea of having a partner in complete control is a tantalizing one, especially considering that in real life, with someone you didn’t trust, it would be terrifying. Roleplaying can even take the form of rape fantasies and other ideas that you would never be comfortable with outside of the bedroom where you and your partner have established strong bonds of trust.
2. Power and Control
The biggest reason that people enjoy BDSM is the power dynamics inherent in it. As the D and S say in the acronym, dominance and submission are fun roles for people to experiment with, especially if they are contrary to their normal life dynamics. Powerful CEOs might enjoy spending some time being submissive to someone else and doing everything they can to please them. Whether someone enjoys being in a dominant role or a submissive role, these power dynamics can play a big part in sexual fantasy fulfillment.
Conversely, someone who doesn’t necessarily wield a lot of power professionally can step up and take charge of the situation in the bedroom. A dominant partner is responsible for every need of their submissive and must take care of them. It’s a heady feeling having someone else be entirely within your power. Just ensure that you don’t let the power go to your head without your partner’s explicit consent!
It Isn’t Always About Sex
Did you know that BDSM doesn’t have to involve sex? It often does and the majority of conversations about it revolve around roles in sex, but BDSM doesn’t need to be sexually erotic all the time. The power and control of telling someone what to do can actually manifest in a variety of non-sexual ways.
For example, people who are into pet play take on the role of an animal and crawl around on all fours. They might enjoy being bathed, stroked, brushed, or otherwise groomed by their ‘master’. While this can lead to a pretty steamy situation, it doesn’t always have to, and there are some asexual people who enjoy being part of the BDSM scene too.
3. The Freedom of Submission
The submissive role is a complicated one to explore. If you’re wondering how to be submissive in BDSM, just know that being submissive doesn’t equal being on the bottom. You and your partner have consensually agreed that they will be in control of your actions and your body. How far you want to take the submission is completely up to you.
Some people wear collars and role-play as slaves to their masters, some people just let their partner tie them down for an hour of sexy fun, and others take their role outside of the bedroom. Whatever you and your partner decide goes!
Subspace
While submissive, there is a sense of freedom in allowing someone else to be entirely in charge. You don’t have to make any decisions or worry about if you’re doing something wrong; the pressure is off. Your partner decides everything and will let you know if you should be doing something different.
Knowing exactly where you stand (or lie) and your place in the world is a heady feeling that many submissives really enjoy. They can turn their brains off and just revel in the sensations. In the BDSM scene, it’s known as dropping into subspace when a submissive reverts to monosyllabic answers and turns over control completely.
Alternatively, if you don’t feel comfortable shutting off your brain entirely, you can devote that brainpower to making you and your partner feel good. Indulge in those hedonistic desires to please your dominant, and we promise that you both will be flying high.
4. Self-Expression
One of the best parts about BDSM is the ability to express yourself however you see fit. You don’t need expensive or fancy gear! Just knowing what you want and what you don’t is a great confidence builder, and there is nothing sexier than a confident person. They might not know why, but everyone is sure to notice that you seem sure of yourself and what you’re doing.
Even if you choose to keep it a secret or not engage in BDSM activities with other people, knowing more about your psyche and your body gives you a huge amount of power. Taking pleasure in things is completely normal, no matter what anyone says. Knowing exactly what you like means that you know how to get down to business in bed, and any partner can appreciate that quality!
Fostering a Sense of Community
Sometimes, it isn’t just about self-expression. The BDSM community is generally very supportive and open to curious newcomers. It can seem a little intimidating to spend time with people who are so experienced, but most BDSM members are perfectly normal, nice people who happen to have some interesting hobbies.
There are conventions, classes, clubs, and workshops for every level of openness and experience. You can even learn rope technique from BDSM rigger masters! You don’t have to show up in skintight leather and be ready to have sex with multiple partners! It’s not an orgy (unless it has been advertised as such). No one is going to bully you or mock you for not knowing what you’re doing, because everyone has to start somewhere.
5. Simple Chemistry
Ask any doctor and they’ll tell you that many human behaviors and preferences can be easily explained by the chemicals in our brains. When the body feels pain over a period of time, your brain naturally releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins provide a sense of euphoria and help dull the pain somewhat.
Our body does this so that if we’re in an emergency situation and are injured, we can still run away, hide, or fight back against the problem. If we wallowed too much in the pain, then we wouldn’t live to fight another day! However, during sex, our bodies don’t know that we aren’t actually in real danger, so you can still feel the high of the endorphins from a spanking.
Sweet Sensation
Another reason why people enjoy pain, restraints, and temperature play is that it increases the skin’s ability to feel. When the blood rushes to the surface of your skin, the nerve receptors become keener and everything feels much more intense.
A great example of how this works is right there in your naughty bits. Regardless of gender, when you’re aroused, the blood pumps and heads south to whatever is in your pants, making certain areas swell up and become much more sensitive. Slaps, spanks, clamps, and everything in between can mimic those sensations in other parts of your body.
Whether you like things that just barely ride the edge of pain or something that will leave a sweet ache in your body for days afterward, that pain can help you harness the pleasure and let it take you to even greater heights. That’s nothing to scoff at!
Flipping the Script
For some people, BDSM is a form of therapy. Depending on what issues you’re trying to work through, certain kinds of sex can actually be extremely therapeutic. The reason is that sex is an isolated space from reality; you can do anything there, and it won’t have any bearing on your normal day-to-day.
Associating pain with pleasure in these types of scenarios, when you’re in a safe space with someone you trust to respect your safeword and end the scene whenever you need to, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, plenty of people use sex to explore fantasies that they don’t understand or to rewrite bad memories of pain with good ones instead.
Just remember that being into BDSM doesn’t mean that there is anything mentally wrong with someone. Don’t be too quick to judge if your partner brings it up or if you start watching some of your deepest fantasies brought to life on your computer screen. It doesn’t mean you need to start seeing a therapist; it just means that you’re a kinky person. And that’s totally fine! Simply embrace it and enjoy!
Try It Out Yourself!
With all of the great reasons why people are into BDSM, we don’t blame you if you’re ready to get out there and have some fun. If you’re interested in testing the waters of BDSM and are looking for some BDSM kits, toys, or gear to help you get started, check out our bondage and fetish collection. We have everything you need, whether you’re a beginner or an expert, in our store, and you’re sure to find exactly what you’re looking for!
Sources:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/caseygueren/ultimate-guide-to-bdsm
https://www.elitedaily.com/p/why-do-people-like-pain-during-sex-heres-what-experts-say-17008334
